from may 25, 2016 -- and today

may 25--what i realized today is that when you vow to awaken in this lifetime you are asking for some major stuff to go down. tom brought me to this opportunity to live my faith and see it work. and i am strong. i used to not be strong. he will always be the sunshine in my heart. and i will live with courage and help people see the possibility to be awake and strong and full of love. each of us has to live it ourselves-- there is no easy wake up you can just borrow from someone else.

today--I continue to live into this realization. sorrow and joy. sometimes I get lost in the logistics of starting again.
today I remembered to add music and singing and dancing to my life again.
and I remembered that "home" can be a new place of ease that is different from the old one.
courage on this adventure of endings and beginnings and eyes wide open to see the treasure already sewn into the lining of my robe. 

sorrow and joy

"Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place." - rumi

I have some new cracks in my being, but I am not broken. the sunshine of my heart can shine ‎out more brightly into my world through those open spaces. 

that is my wish and my vow.

follow up to a conversation I had

I think you are both right (of course. I am always trying to see the middle way). 

first seek wisdom. take every action you can to make the given situation more manageable and less anxious. gather information, prepare, practice‎, think of alternate approaches and who/what can be a support system.

after all that, it may still be scary or intimidating or seem impossible to do. that is when one must just step forward, through the fear. really feel it and then let it go. remind yourself, "I got this".

and always keep building up your life force. never neglect that -- from good diet and adequate rest to play with loved ones and living with compassion, seeing the potential in each one and how you might help each one take a baby step forward. 

soon you might find yourself striding forward in confidence and love. 

anyway, that's my take on it. 

not meant as a sermon or judgment to anyone. I think this is what I need to hear today.

homage to self care

this past weekend my very nearly 3 year old grandgirl gave me a lesson in knowing and caring for oneself. 

she had had a wonderful day, celebrating and being celebrated. lots of fun and play and interactions. 

by the time I saw her at dinnertime, she was tuckered out. I greeted her with my cheery "how are YOU?". and she looked at me and said clearly "I'm not doing so well today." she sat down on her favorite living room chair and looked around at the usual living room hubbub and said "can I go in the bedroom? it's too noisy in here." so she went and sat quietly in her bedroom and watched some favorite quiet vid‎eos and nested on the bed and perused a couple books. 

how wonderful! no huge emotional meltdown, because she recognized what she really needed in that moment and was able to make it happen. I hope I learned that lesson. how often do I wait until I am full to bursting with need and then blow up into tears unnecessarily in order to get my quiet space. thank you, sweet sunshine, for helping me see a life well lived. 

ps -- when I met up with her yesterday after school she was full of energy and humor. she took good care of daisy duck, she ran lickety split down the sidewalk, she was ready to share her sunshine and take in her world.   another lesson to learn -- when I am ready to beam, just do it!

easter

in this Easter season, I am grateful for Jesus' example of how brokenness and healing are "two but not two". death/life. suffering/joy. as I see it, the example of the mentor is meant to be lived out by each one. 

within myself and each living being is that spark of life, that compassion, that wisdom, that courage -- to take the ingredients of this life and use them to awaken and to live the vow to lead people out of suffering. 

to do it now, not after the current challenge has been met. this is the time. 

the blossoms of spring emerge from the seeds breaking open.