Change

Why Is it so difficult to let go of old patterns - even though they are almost literally killing you?

A friend asked me that yesterday. I sent her my thots - lengthy as always.

I would love to hear yours!

Well the answer I usually go with, tho it doesn't always satisfy me, is that we spent years developing the neural pathways that are those patterns - so we should expect it might take as long to create new ones. Like how long it takes a river to create a new river bed or something.
Or we could go with karmic tendencies which we must overcome. That once was thot to take innumerable kalpas. Our buddhism teaches simultaneous cause and effect, so we have a better shot at change I guess.

And the other thing is that all of time is now - and from a different viewpoint what seems to be taking eons to change is a blink of an eye.

What do YOU find to be a satisfying answer?

sarah

The goodbye in the hello

Written 9/19/11

Today again I felt the pain of losing my dream of a "perfect" family. Felt appreciation for that same family for their responses as I took steps towards change. I have always said I would choose the pill that let me see, that I would choose to vibrate to the next level even though it meant a leavetaking. To wake up I had to take action that felt like amputating a part of myself. I stepped towards life. I will keep on that path even in the midst of pain. I felt my heart/mind transform today, again. I miss what was before. And I know the goodbye was necessary. For me and for the others as well. And I have to keep on, to work hard and with determination and dedication, so the sacrifice won't be in vain.
Part of each joy is the sorrow of what was given up or set aside to develop the space to receive the gift, the vision to see what is, and the compassionate wisdom to share the awakening.
Namaste.
sarah

Awakening

Just when I was thinking that if being enlightened means working to spread the Law, rather than meaning one sits peacefully in meditation for time without end, maybe I would say no thank you, I read chapter 28 of the lotus sutra. Wow. I laughed out loud with joy. I am protected by amazing beings riding big tusked elephants and giving me magic spells. It's way cool.
So I got up from my chanting chair and went on with my day.
I waited on hold for 20 minutes because my blackberry isn't working right. I ordered chai and got told the machine is broken. I asked for a walnut tea cookie - sold out of course. Its raining and I don't have my umbrella. And I could go on.
And guess what? I'm still smiling. Today, even if I step in a big pile of dung from my protector elephant king, I'll just take off my dirty shoes and keep on dancing.
Maybe this is what being "awake" feels like.

sarah